either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You are the jesus of drinking
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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