Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
