I like to think it a success when the cops are called
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
