dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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