I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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