I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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