I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
