tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Enjoy the penises
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