I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis