I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E