I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
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No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
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I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.