Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
My balls are so social today.
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He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
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Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood