I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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