I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
