shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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