the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
