Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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