Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
