pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Terrible idea I love it
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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