MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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