Nicole vs. Life
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
