Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
