whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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