My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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