**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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