During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
