i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
