Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
