I want you more than these girls want KFC
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
God I need to hump something, right now.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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