remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
