Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
