Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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