I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
