I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
