Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
