Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
