Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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