Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
