using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
