Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
