Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
