i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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