i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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