Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
