i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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