So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
