I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
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Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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