Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
