dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
