a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
