i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
