Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
