I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
