So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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