i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
