I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
