And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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