Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He shit in the fireplace
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
