Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
