he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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