we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.