never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.