oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.