Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels