I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I need a hobby that isn't dick related