yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden