I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
