I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
