God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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