oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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