my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
