We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
