This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Randomize
