PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
