how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
